The Fountain

The Fountain (2006): Beautifully filmed with lots of dreamy special effects, this appears to be a time travel movie spanning from the Spanish Inquisition to some sort of floating Zen Buddha like future. Loosely based on the fountain of youth legend, it substitutes a tree of youth in its stead. Now this introduces some wonder as to why the thing wasn’t titled ‘The Tree” unless the producers thought not enough people have heard about the tree of youth legend to come out and spend money on this movie. They probably spent so much on special effects they couldn’t afford a fancy fountain and found the supernatural tree in the props department back in the marked down reduced price section. I’d relate the story to you loyal readers but I can’t figure out what the herpies was going on. Apparently, some Spanish conquistadors stumbled into Incas, or Mayans, or Aztecs or other tribe and managed to get killed but one shows up in the future (now) trying to cure the same girl who played the Queen of Spain in the past sequence. Meanwhile, somewhere in the future, this same guy is in a glass ball floating around in the universe snipping bits off the tree and drinking a brew made with the bark. Then the tree sort of dies and the whole movie ends. I’m sorry; this one was way over the Tapehead’s head. While visually appealing, it lost traction in the logic category. The movie is rated PG-13 for: excessive floating, excessive bark chipping, excessive monkey healing, and for the massive influx of confusion generated during the film.