Ultraviolet

Ultraviolet (2006): Followers of the comic book that this flick is based on as well as those admirers of Milla Jovovich’s navel will enjoy this flick. It has all the mind numbing illogic of a comic book and Milla’s navel station is constantly sailing across the screen. It appears that in the near future, a biological weapon caused a disease and much of the population have grown fangs, gotten super strong and require transfusions to stay alive. This has led the leader of the humans to try and extinctify the ‘vampires’ as they are called and build a totalitarian government.
Our UV gal is one superstar of a vampire and sneaks into a super high security fortress to steal the secret weapon. Gosh, she seems to be able to penetrate the place with no problem. She brings it back and it turns out to be a boy who has certain antibodies or viruses or something in him that means the end of the vampires. When the vampire chief wants her to kill him, naturally her maternal instincts cut in and she steals him. Now everybody wants to off her too, humans and vampires. Soon it becomes a chase movie and it feels like you are watching a video game. I think I nodded off several times during this part. For those of you feeling a bit amorous towards Ultraviolet, remember she almost extinctifies the entire male population of the earth by the end of the movie. Apparently she’s faster than a speeding bullet and can mow down 200 armed guys surrounding her by using a hat pin. Take my advice and keep your distance if you bump into her.

Well, the plot finally moves on and she has the required shoot out with the head villain in another fortress. During the fight he reveals that he has super strength too since he’s really a vampire. WHAT!!!! How did he pull that one off for all those years and successfully kill off most of his brethren and why would you do that anyway? And the boy was supposed to have died from his viruses but a tear from Ultra fell in his eye and cured him. Give me a break! The movie is unrated but would probably come in around a PG for: mind numbing story, excessive navel aeration, useless male ninjas, useless male riflemen, useless male samurai swordsmen, useless plot, piles of dead men, evil villain with nose filters, and for the strong murderous tendencies of the heroine.