Dr. Moreau's House of Pain

Dr. Moreau’s House of Pain (2003) I am sure H.G. Wells’ moldering remains are valiantly attempting to turn in their grave. This must be true because viewing this travesty of a film would surely cause any living author of a fine classic tale like “The Island of Dr. Moreau” to become either suicidal or homicidal. The novel has undergone several film treatments over the years. After enduring a pretty well done movie in the 30’s under the name of “Island of Lost Souls” starring Charles Laughton and Bela Lugosi, another big budget version came along in 1996 (100 years after the novel’s publication) staring Val Kilmer and with Marlon Brando as the titular doctor. It was rumored that Brando gained an enormous amount of weight during the filming due to his chewing up all the scenery in this film. This version had lots of special effects and a special lack of respect from critics.

With the new century comes a new version with no budget, no stars, no credit to H.G. Wells and only a loose connection to the original story. It looks like the producers couldn’t afford a whole island so the story is moved to an old house which looks like the inside of a small industrial building. They apparently got hold of a few old cars so they moved the story up to the 20’s or 30’s so they could use them. OK, we do have the mad doctor turning animals into somewhat human things but he surely isn’t doing well in the research department. Keeping to true B-movie quality, one of the ‘manimals’ is a blonde cat lady who has multiple nude scenes. It also looks like the good doctor did a little early silicone enhancement to his experimental feline. In keeping with the low budget, the cat lady looks like a fairly normal blonde that has really long painted white fingernails and growls a lot to enhance her catlike motif. The movie has to use really lame set ups to keep the plot moving. When the group of potential victims follows cat-girl back to the house, they watch her open and close an iron gate to a fence that goes around the house. But wait….she didn’t lock it and they are able to just walk in and of course, get captured later. They find the gate is inconveniently locked when they escape so a fight with the bad guys has to occur. The cast of unknowns is at least enthusiastic and do the best they can with the weak material. The movie is not rated but would probably get an R for: cat-lady unclad, cat-lady running around in lingerie, multiple oozing wounds, really ugly pig-boy, super ugly fish-girl, and for the complete lack of respect for H. G. Wells’ original story.