Scarecrow Gone Wild

Scarecrow Gone Wild (2004) Now I don’t know about you, but when I saw this title I immediately thought it might be something like ‘Girls Gone Wild” which Mrs. Tapehead won’t let me bring home. So I thought I’d sneak one by her assuming this was a drunken turbulent hooter show in the guise of a horror movie. Well, I missed the boat by a wide mark. What we have here is a whistling scarecrow going around murdering 90% of the cast while partially under the control of a nerdly character in a diabetic coma. Talk about a complex plotline! The victims are all members of a college baseball team as well as their shapely squeezes. However, none of these college guys are ever seen carrying a book or talking above the 8th grade level so one soon suspects they all have athletic scholarships.

It seems that one of the ballplayers got his adopted nerdly brother a ‘questionable’ baseball scholarship by hiding the fact that he is diabetic. The upperclassmen players decide to do a little hazing of the freshman ballplayers in the local cornfield equipped with a handy dandy scarecrow nailed to a wooden cross. (Get the hidden symbolism there?) The coach, who looks like he uses the same training regimen as Barry Bonds, warns them to cease and desist on the hazing but the boys get a little over-brewed and do it anyway. The nerdly kid, who comes with poor posture, a fear of girls, and an actual interest in higher education, soon gets tied to the scarecrow, goes into a coma and bingo, the scarecrow comes to life with murderous intent. The freshmen last about 10 nanoseconds after the arrival of the scarecrow and the rest of the team are methodically murdered in various ways but usually with the involvement of a sharp implement, a handy rock, or a rapidly moving fist.

There is a beach volleyball game with the worst background music I’ve ever heard in a movie. The high point in this flick for me came when the folksinger character singing a really bad song is speared by a volleyball pole hurled with great enthusiasm (and accuracy) by the scarecrow. I stood up and cheered since I was getting a migraine from the guy’s caterwauling. Eventually the nerdly guy and the lead coed survive but everyone else gets it. Frankly, I was glad the baseball schedule had to be cancelled; these guys were a real blight on humanity. The movie is not rated but should come in with an R for: appalling cast mortality, appalling background music, appalling plot, appalling lack of textbooks, excessive loose bikini tops, freshmen in boxer shorts, coaches on steroids, murderous volleyball poles, excessive heart stoppage, a whistling scarecrow with no lips (how can he do that?), and for the dumbest set of college kids seen in a long time.