Evil Aliens (2005): This one was written and directed in the UK by Jake West who was responsible for one of my fave UK low budget vampire flicks, “Razor Blade Smile”. Jake has maintained his reputation for providing high VACS (Violence, Aliens, Carnage, & Sex) levels in his movies with this one. It is kind of like “ET” meets “Alien” and “Signs” plus a heavy dose of “Gilligan’s Island” for flavor. There is also an excellent homage to Sergio Leone’s famous Mexican stand-off scene from “The Good the Bad and the Ugly” but this time it’s between a bunch of aliens and some raucous, possibly inbred Welsh farmers.

It seems a UK TV show about aliens isn’t doing well in the ratings, consistently falling behind the cooking channel so the star is told to take her crew and get a story or else. They read an article about a Welsh farm girl who claims to have been abducted and impregnated by aliens and off they go to the remote island which she and her three brothers call home. The boys consider English an inferior language and don’t speak anything but Welsh which makes for some interesting subtitles. Soon the entire group is in a series of mostly hilarious battles with the aliens who have landed at a nearby ancient stone circle which they also used to re-power their ship. The aliens appear to try and impregnate almost every earth girl they can get their hands (or tentacles) on and a female alien eventually seduces the nerdly guy in the group for his first role in the hay. After lengthy battles and a late farm harvester assisted human victory, the survivors of both sides (1 each) get back home. The movie ends with the surviving alien telling her story about the dangerous Earth people to a local TV program and being laughed off the stage. This is not one to take seriously at all, just sit back, put on a guilty grin and watch the bodily liquids spray. The movie is unrated but would probably bleed an R for: cow dung bathing, massive blood flinging, double amputees, quadruple amputees, cranial amputees, shot gunning, arrow piercing, blade ripping, impregnation by Cesarean section and definitely for the worst alien anal probing ever seen this side of Uranus.