The High Crusade

The High Crusade (1994): Soundly trashed by critics, this little German made SiFi movie found a warm spot in the Tapehead’s heart. How can you not cut some slack for a movie about and alien invasion of England during the time of the Crusades? Very loosely based on a story by classic SiFi writer Poul Anderson, the movie attempts some Monty Pythonesque humor but steadfastly descends to the level of very low brow English comedy. Nevertheless, the movie generates many pleasant moments. The story goes something like this, a one legged courier hops to an English prince’s castle to tell of the English army’s defeat in the Holy Land asking for reinforcements. Everyone is arming and getting ready to punish the offending Moors when an alien spaceship lands and disgorges a squad of troops armed with laser blasters and an unfriendly attitude. The superiority of the English long bow is soon proven as the Crusaders somehow blunder to victory and capture the ship and its pilot. The dunderheads now plan to take the ship to the Holy Land and use it to give the Moors a good spanking. But fate intervenes when the pilot manages to lock on the auto pilot which takes them all back to the alien’s home planet.

The Crusaders’ attempts to get out of this mess take up the remaining part of the movie and contain a few scenes of gem like quality. I particularly enjoyed the scenes where the friar (John Rys-Davis) is attempting to teach the alien some of the church’s views on astronomy. The alien is totally frustrated trying to counter the friar’s argument that the sun revolves around the Earth. In addition to the aliens, the Prince has to deal with a sleazy Frenchman, a frustrated bride, as well as a keeping tabs on a number of the intellectually challenged members of his army. While not close to a classic, if you enjoy low comedy and or SiFi movies, you may spend a pleasant afternoon with this DVD. The movie is not rated but would probably garner a PG13 for: multiple fart jokes, limb lopping, high explosions, and especially for the demonstration of alien finger sex.