Alien Abduction

Alien Abduction (2005): Not to be confused with any of the well done Alien movies or even with the rather bad “Alien Blood” or “Alien Apocalypse” this low budget morass has only a few good points going for it. Apparently two couples are on a camping trip and get picked up by some large lizard like aliens. They get the usual probing and gut removal found in these types of flicks but then the movie starts to diverge from the usual track and head in a totally unexpected direction. The lead ingénue wakes up in an army hospital with a bunch of mental defectives and is told most people returning from abductions have a lot of mental problems and that she is very lucky to be normal. This seems a plot device to get her out of her really brief camping outfit into an even briefer hospital gown. Fortunately she has great gams and is soon using them to wander around the wards without a pass. She soon finds her friends who seem to have found a new talent for drooling and babbling incoherently and all have strange scars on their foreheads just about where you would expect to get a lobotomy. Soon, everyone is chasing her and wanting to give her a lobotomy too. If she is functioning normally, why would they want to do that? Well, that’s not too clear at this point but the lady army officer (with an English accent) running the place seems to want her de-brained like the others.

Our lead ingénue uses her karate skills to lobotomize her nurse and escapes and finds out that some of the doctors are using slug like aliens with eggs and the large lizard like aliens with gooey impregnata juice to grow more….what----aliens?. Our star hides under a gurney in her gownlet, when a doctor comes in to milk the male alien and spills some (you know what….ugh…). and drips it all over our now damp hidden heroine. This is just another plot device to get her out of the gownlet and back into her shrunken camping outfit, but only after she takes the required shower and shows her assets to the camera. But hey, here is one of the unique touches to this film, she has no running water so uses the water in her canteen which she finds next to her camping outfit and does a near waterless spongy clean up. I haven’t seen that before so give the director a few points for originality on that one and it is one of the few bits of workable logic associated with this film.

Now it starts to get really confusing as our heroine finds out the army hospital is actually on the alien spaceship that abducted her. What???? And it appears that most of the staff is inhabited by the slug like creatures that control their bodies which may explain why they want to lobotomize her. But not everyone is like that since some seem to be real humans just working at a job. What the herpes is going on here anyway, did the humans miss the fact they are on a spaceship for heavens sake. Well, she finally gets caught again and finds out that the aliens have never killed any humans; they appear to be kept in sacks in the ship. Well goll durn, it they don’t show her a copy of herself in a sack so it turns out she is really an alien whose control connection didn’t seem to function. So if she is an alien, why do they want to lobotomize her? And why are they so brutal with their own kind if they are so careful with humans? This made no sense to me unless all the mental loonies are malfunctioning aliens. Any way, they fix her connection with a snip of scissors and she and her friends return to earth as secret aliens, part of a plot to take over the Earth. There’s another giant plot hole, if it was so easy to fix her why did they want to lobotomize her for most of the movie? Perhaps there would have been no movie without that extended chase scene? And if they are plotting on taking over the earth, why do they need to be so careful about keeping their abducted humans alive. At this point irrationality is leading logic by a score of 23-0!

This film had several good ideas buried in there somewhere but it seemed just beyond the director’s ability to fully abduct them and keep a logical story line going. Perhaps if I’d listened to the commentary it would have made more sense. This was not a complete wash out but wasn’t too good. The movie has abducted an R for: really short hospital gowns, really short shorts, really short logic, multiple lobotomies, multiple exploding heads, multiple drooling boyfriends, very annoying blond- both pre and post lobotomy, and for the driest nude shower scene ever filmed.