Space Truckers

Space Truckers (1998) Somehow, someone convinced Dennis Hopper to star in this semi-low budget SiFi comedy. The premise is that in the future, independent ‘drivers’ will be hauling their giant rigs along the space ways rather than down the hi-ways of today. Hopper plays a veteran driver who gets into trouble with the local trucking company after he delivers a load of square pigs (genetically bred to be square for more efficient shipping) a bit late. If you can watch the square pigs without cracking a smile you should probably pass on this one. If on the other hand, the square pig concept fits with your sense of humor, you could pass an enjoyable 96 minutes with this flick. Along with the trucking problems comes an attempt at a political coup on earth by a large company official, a bunch of violent space pirates, and an unstoppable bunch of evil robots. The funniest line went to the space pirate captain (Charles Dance) after losing his entire lower half during an encounter with the hideous robots, telling how scary they are to the others by saying “If I had an anus, I would have soiled myself.” See I told you, a strange sense of humor is needed to appreciate this movie. The pirate captain (who has a number of replacement mechanical parts after losing some rather important limbs earlier) has a unique way of seducing the ingénue, but we shall not be describing those details in these pages due to our unceasing desire to keep this column firmly entrenched in the family reading category.

Everything works out by the end of the movie and everyone lives happily ever after, just like in the fairy tales. Space Truckers is rather enjoyable for SiFi fans but may not be for everyone. Dennis Hopper apparently didn’t get paid a whole lot because he doesn’t act a whole lot, but Hopper sleepwalking through a role is better than most B movie actors can do on their best day. The movie is rated PG-13 for: traditional B movie violence, a zero-G strip scene, excessive laser fire, mechanical privates, poor starter motors, and for the sucking of George Wendt (Norm of Cheers) out a window.