Rogue

Rogue (2007): I had avoided renting this ‘big croc’ movie because I had seen so many like it before, but others gave it good reviews and I decided to invest an hour or two with yet another large reptile. What I found was a very well done big critter movie with some of the most beautiful scenery ever seen in a horror movie. The story takes place in northern Australia in a tour boat going up a tidal river in the outback filled with large saltwater crocodiles. The idyllic trip up the river shows incredibly beautiful scenery with beautiful background music (called ‘River Suite’) that contrasts sharply with what lurks in the muck below. While the movie has some standard ‘big thing’ qualities to it, the cast does well and is headed by Aussie ingénue Radha Mitchell, veteran of ‘Pitch Black’ and ‘Surrogates’. Cast mortality is naturally quite high and Mr. Salty seems to have a large appetite and is just a mite territorial to boot. The story is based on a true incident that occurred back in the 70’s when one of these monsters actually attacked a boat by biting the outboard, twisting the boat over and sinking it. Tension runs high as the survivors have to figure out how to stay alive until help arrives and this doesn’t turn out to be a simple thing to do. Overall, the movie is a better than average large killer reptile tale of terror. The movie is unrated but should bite off an R for: continuous fly swatting, partially chewed boat, partially chewed Radha, fully chewed tourists, serious need for a bigger boat, unsuccessful rope climbing, sinking islands, croc on a stick, and for the fate of the beer swilling locals who eventually try to help.

Infestation

Infestation (2009): Well, first it was “Infested” and then came “Infestation”. The important difference here is that Infested was about a lot of little bugs while Infestation has large numbers of large bugs. The cover art warns you not to take it too seriously with the tag line “Prepare for Global Swarming”. This one is a tongue in cheek, campy story about what happens to an underachieving office nerd who wakes up in a cocoon and has to fight off large bugs intent on taking over the world. Everyone in the area is cocooned and his small band of survivors must save the world. Now this less than choice group of strangers is burdened with many of the typical stereotypes found in big bug movies. And this is one of the most argumentative groups to ever task themselves with combating incalculable numbers of large stinging, running, jumping and flying buggers. Cast mortality is quite high and the bugs prove to be a hardy lot. What set this movie apart from the run of the mill bug movie were its witty dialogue, good character interactions, and liberal use of humor. The ending scene shows a sign of signaling a sequel but a second serving certainly seems sorely missing so far. Overall, this was an above average “B” movie that shows what can be done with decent actors, a modest budget, and good writing, even if it was shot in Buglaria. The movie bugged out an R for: naked weather girl, excessive barfing ‘o’ the green, excessive buggery, excessive arguing, excessive dad’s ego, milking the bug, non-electric deadly hybrids and for the very flammable bug juice.

Wristcutters: A Love Story

Wristcutters: A Love Story (2006): Suppose, if you will, that when you commit suicide, rather than going to purgatory, heaven, hell or someplace else, you wind up in a land very similar to your past but just a bit off center and a bit worse than where you were. That is the premise of this rather unusual and somewhat pixilated movie. Our lead has offed himself over a girl and winds up in a low paying job at Kamikaze Pizza in a shabby world inhabited by other suicides; everything here is run down, drab, dust covered and unsightly. New subdivisions with neat lawns and well painted homes just don’t seem to exist here. Soon he learns that his ex-squeeze has also offed herself and sets out on a journey to find her. The rest becomes a road movie involving a weird Russian (brilliantly played by Shea Wiggam), a hitchhiker who claims she got there by mistake and is looking for “the people in charge”, a messiah, and a bizarre holiday camp. In this weird semi-world, miracles happen often but only when they are not very important, parties are all boring, disappointment is always just around the corner and no one can smile. Suicide is often contemplated but most are afraid the next life will be even worse. The movie is actually a treatise on knowing what you really want in life and knowing what has true value.
While definitely off center, the movie comes up with a few life lessons and actually has a happy ending. Making a comedy about suicide is difficult but this movie has hit most of the right notes and speaking of notes, a fellow reviewer noted all the musicians in the background music had offed themselves. The movie is rated R for; floating matches, suicidal Russians, dented cars, excessive trash and dust, and for the “people in charge”.

Dark Rising

Dark Rising (2007): Here is a pretty low budget feature with a nebulous plot, average acting, and rather bland characters; but for some reason I rather enjoyed watching this one. I guess the sum of the parts was greater than the whole or something like that. The story goes something like this; hotly guy goes on a camping trip with ex-girlfriend and her girlfriend and his guy friend and one other brainier, though still hotly young lady. They take great pains to show you that his ex has switched sides and is now firmly entrenched in the les-bonean camp. They even show an all gal grappling session early in the movie in order to point out this fact to the slow learners in the audience. Meanwhile our semi-studly hero can’t see the writing on the wall and continues swooning over his ex. The shapely but still brainy gal has a book with words that should not be spoken but are which opens a portal to another dimension where upon a monster steps through and starts murder and mayhem. But wait, a beautiful lass wearing a metallic winged headdress and little else saves the day by wielding a mean battle axe and injuring the beast. It turns out she was sucked into the other dimension as a little girl when her father read from the same book and learned the hard way how to fight the creatures. Apparently, her sewing skills did not pass beyond the bikini design stage in the other dimension but this was probably a good thing for the male portion of the audience.
The group now has to figure a way to get the monster sucked back into his dimension since he cannot be killed here on Earth. You must not think about the details of this plot too much because it will make little sense and cause your head to ache, but the cast is all good looking and the princess warrior looks just great in her battle outfit so who really cares if it makes much sense. Ok, I cut this flick far more slack than I should have, but it just grew on me, kind of like a tumor. If you put your mind in neutral, you may enjoy this low budget effort. The movie was unrated but would probably pull an R out of the other dimension for: gratuitous les-bean grappling, multiple orbulations, hotly warrior princess, ugly monster, punctured les-beans, and for excessive battle axing and blood flinging.

Eden Lake

Eden Lake (2008): This is a superior study in terror. While there are no zombies or vampires causing destruction, the most dangerous thing here are young teens led by a rather psychopathic leader. A young couple goes on holiday at an old quarry soon to be converted into a luxury gated community. The local motley group of 12-14 year olds interrupts their idyllic campsite and conflict soon erupts. What starts out as typical teen age wise guy behavior soon escalates into downright terror as the teens’ dog is inadvertently killed by the man during a confrontation. As things go from harassment to felony and beyond, you keep asking yourself, how the heck could things get this bad and then it gets worse. A good set of characters inhabit this quality B feature and you will find yourself having a hard time turning away, a sign of a very good movie. What these people go through to get to the end of the movie is pretty amazing, even for a jaded viewer like the Tapehead. If you are looking for one of the better made B movies this is a good one to choose. The movie is rated R for: bikini viewing, car theft, car crash, car death, annoying dog poop, burning Indian, burning tourist, burning desire for revenge, slime encrusted ingénue, multiple slitting of various body sections, razor knife to the mouth, spike through the foot, and especially for the barbwire wrap that starts the really bad parts.