Outlander

Outlander (2008): This is a bit of an unusual movie blending the effect of an alien space man (Jim Caviezel) crash landing in Norway in the 700’s, with the origins of some of the Viking mythology. He also has a terrible monster (a Moorwin) on board which escapes and he must kill the beast or it will annihilate the local Norse population. Naturally, he has lost all his weapons and has only his cunning to fight with. The story also shows a bit of his history and information about the Moorwin that puts Mr. Spaceman in a not so favorable light, unusual for these types of movies. It also poses a good explanation about why he has no language barrier and suggests that the earth was actually an abandoned seed colony of the space men. He must also win the trust of the local Vikings as well as keep them from killing each other before the Moorwin can be dealt with effectively. The movie has excellent photography and score and even has some well known actors hiding behind their Norse furs and beards. This is a most unusual take on the Viking genre suggesting the origins of the dragon myth and is a pretty well done action movie. The movie is rated R for: unrelenting violence, head removal, leg removal, multiple blunt traumas, glowing beastie, fiery beastie, fast beastie, deadly beastie, extra mini me beastie, and for the major enhancement to Viking metallurgy courtesy of the outlander.

The Midnight Meat Train

The Midnight Meat Train (2008): First, let me say there is no similarity between the fine thriller “The Taking of Pelham 1-2-3” and this similarly underground themed movie that also takes place in subway land. While this is also a thriller, the amount of gore depicted in “Midnight” exceeds what is shown in both versions of Pelham 1-2-3 combined by about 100 to 1. This is a movie that rally makes your local transit system look very safe. The unlikely and in some cases impossible events depicted are at least somewhat logically (if you can call anything logical in a horror movie) explained by the end of the flick. When Mr. Meatman attacks a victim, he isn’t neat about it and the subway car is seriously covered in red garnish by the time he is through. I couldn’t figure out how someone in the transit authority wouldn’t have found a bit of excess goo once in a while but at least they do come up with an explanation and to be fair, he does exhibit some of the behavior of a neatness freak after the bludgeoning is finished with.

Most of the action takes place in the subway system of a large generic city where people seem to have a habit of disappearing without a trace. The police don’t seem too concerned since people disappear all the time in this city. Well, that was another bit that was a little hard to swallow but if you can give them a pass on that one you will still enjoy the flow of the plot as well as the flow of the bodily fluids that follow.

A photographer looking for his big break by taking photos of the grit and underbelly of the city stumbles upon a fellow who he thinks may be a serial killer. The movie seems to borrow a lot from the old Antonioni film “Blow Up” where searching for details in a photo may provide clues to the crimes and help prove that a crime actually occurred. Rather than going to the police who didn’t appear very interested in his first attempt at communication, he decides to investigate for himself and gets into really big trouble. The movie escalates into appalling cast mortality and massive blood flinging as the photographer gets closer and closer to the truth which eventually bites him. The ending was a bit unexpected but did help to clear up the many seeming improbabilities with just one big improbable explanation. Overall, “Meat” is a pretty good thriller which contains enough splatter to keep fans of that genre satisfied. The movie was unrated but would probably bleed an R for: massive blunt trauma, hammer to the head, hammer to the knee, hammer to the nose, knife to the same areas, eyeball hitting the camera, lots of hanging around in a subway car, red subway cars, warts in the chest, warts in the cabinet, tongue eating, and for the very hungry group found in the tunnels.

Let the Right One In

Let the Right One In (2008): The land of Ingmar Bergman has once again exported a well done genre movie about creatures of the night (see ‘Frostbitten’ review). This superior effort is seen from the viewpoint of a twelve year old boy and his problems with school bullies and his new neighbor that just moved into the apartment next store. He meets a twelve year old girl in the square of his apartment house and the two ‘rejects’ from society form an immediate bond. As the movie progresses, both children have to deal with their personal problems without much help from the adults at home and school. In fact, the adults in the film seem to inhabit a world separate from the kids, interfacing with the kids only on occasion. As their relationship grows, we see that the little girl isn’t only odd but dangerous. As people start to die in the neighborhood, the boy’s problems with bullies continue to get worse. The story is neatly wrapped up by the end and is well done and quite a change from normal fare. I would hazard a guess that this movie might find favor with normal people as well as those of us with eccentric tastes. (You know who you are.) The movie was rated R for: brief nudity, lots of white snow, some yellow snow, really lots of red snow, neck biting, hanging upside down, acid to the face, deadly swimming pool activities, and for incendiary vampires in the sun.

Splinter

Splinter (2008): Once again, a low budget independent movie, shot in Oklahoma of all places, outdoes Hollywood in producing a gripping tale of terror with a cast of relative unknowns. While the plot has been done many times before, the quality of the telling frequently is more important than the tale itself. And this one is well told and pretty flippin scary too. Two couples come together during a carjacking. The jackees are threatened with guns, beatings, and tire changing. The jackers are running from the law and one is withdrawing from controlled substances and not too rational but well armed. As the movie progresses, all of them have to work together to survive their encounter with a spiny creature that may not kill you right away but will use your parts for food until finally you are absorbed. The movie gives its characters a chance to develop and you will find yourself caring about the survivors. The battle is not about firepower but about brainpower and that is what makes this movie stand out from many of Hollywood’s digital spectaculars that are peopled with drones rather than characters. In this movie, the humans are clearly overmatched and must use their brain wattage to figure out how to deal with the spiny fungus or mold or whatever the heck it was. The flick reminded me just a little bit of the original “The Thing” made in the 50’s. Both have a small group of people isolated from the rest of the world in a battle to the death with an unknown creature. This is a superior suspense/horror effort and highly recommended. The movie is rated R for: excessive screaming, pistol whipping, shot gunning, elbow bending, wrist wringing, finger walking, trooper halving, head used as a battering ram, fungus among us, and for the amputation sans drugs.