Pro-Life

Pro-Life (2007): John Carpenter’s 2nd entry into the Masters of Horror cable TV series tackles a very controversial subject, that of abortion. However, this is a horror story so Carpenter doesn’t give a rip which side of the argument you stand on; just get ready for lots of grue and death. A doctor and nurse driving to work at an abortion clinic almost hit, and then pick up a young teen running away from home. They take her to their clinic where they find out she is pregnant. Naturally, she is the daughter of an anti-abortionist family who has been harassing the clinic. The gal requests an abortion and the doctors assume some sort of nasty inbreeding from the evil anti-abortionist country bumpkins has occurred, but things turn out far worse than that.

Her father has been following the word of God but unfortunately, it isn’t the guy upstairs that’s been whispering in his ear. Soon Ron Perlman, who plays the anti-abortionist, gathers his sons and attacks the clinic attempting to free his daughter from the clutches of the evil abortionists and save her baby. The gal wants the abortion since she knows who the father is and figures her son won’t be a positive influence in the community. Soon several abortionists, guards, and anti-abortionists have bit the dust. The pregnancy precedes so fast that birth signs start about 8 months early and a demon is born with much loss of blood. Ron Perlman, who plays ‘Hellboy’ in other movies, meets the demon who turns out to be the father and also looks something like a low cost Hellboy. Dad demon wipes out Dad Ron but Mom manages to shoot the kid (who has claws and 6 insecticidal legs) to break the spell. Hellboy junior takes the dead mini-monster back down to you know where and the few survivors can count their lucky stars. The movie is not rated but would come in with an R for: murderous abortionists, murderous antiabortionists, murderous demons, murderous moms, baby in womb breaking the ultrasound machine, exploding guard heads, and for the Hellboy look-alike demon with uncut horns.

Frostbitten

Frostbitten (2006): I have just watched the best Swedish vampire movie ever made. Yes, the land of Ingmar Bergman has finally lowered their standards and belched forth their first vampire movie. The tale starts during WWII with a squad of Swedish Nazi soldiers at the Russian front retreating from a Soviet attack. They find a cabin in the deep woods in which to hide and discover something far more dangerous than the Red Army. Years later a single mother moves to a town near the Arctic Circle in Sweden where it stays dark for a month at a time in the winter. She works at the local hospital with a creepy doctor doing genetic experiments. The doctor also has a ‘special’ patient in a coma segregated from everyone. Mom’s teen daughter soon gets invited to a big party and several plotlines start to intersect.

The movie contains a decent plot and lots of comedy. The doctor isn’t all he seems to be and neither is his special patient. The kids steal some pills from his lab thinking they would be good for their party and all start mutating into vampires. One of the funniest scenes is when a teen already on the pills visits his girlfriend’s parents for diner and is served garlic chicken. His solution to this problem after vominating on the diner table does tend to be a bit extreme but fits with the mood of the movie and certainly ruins his chances of making a good impression on the parents.

Soon the town is overrun with teens whose flu like symptoms include nausea, fever, super strength and neck biting. Mom fights to save her daughter and they escape the town at high speed in an ambulance with the coma patient. The movie ends abruptly and: Vampires win! Vampires win! Vampires win! A pretty good genre movie with more than the average set of plot twists. Not a Bergman but good enough for genre fans. The movie is not rated but would probably garner an R for: massive bloodshed, excessive neck wounds, excessive darkness, excessive red pills, nasty Nazis, sleazy doctors, dog biting, and for sucking the wound.

The Insatiable

The Insatiable (2006): This is not a great movie but it is one of those independent films that give you much more than you expect. The initial write up made it sound like a standard vampire gore fest, but I found instead, an unusual, interesting and somewhat witty film in this over done genre. It seems that a nerdly guy working at a non-descript flange company sees a woman biting and then ripping the head off a homeless person, and leaping two stories though a glass window to escape the crime scene. The police think he is bonkers even though the area has had a number of murders by a serial killer who takes heady souvenirs after each crime. Doing research on the internet turns up a site that tells him how to kill vampires, but our hero is somewhat of a pacifist and doesn’t want to do her in. He eventually meets the guy who runs the website (Michael Biehn –of Terminator fame) who warns him his life is in danger now that the vampire knows he has seen her and he must find and kill her since she will soon come after him.
His solution to this problem is somewhat unique and provides for a lot of comic situations as well as the need for some serious moral decisions to be made. In the end, our hero’s life, which was not too excellent to begin with, starts to deteriorate rapidly but winds up with a somewhat unexpected conclusion. The movie was shot in and around Austin, TX and appears to be of relatively low budget but the writing and acting are very good and the flick comes with an excellent score. The movie is highly recommended for horror buffs and may even interest the more normal of you out there. The movie is not rated but would probably suck up an R for: ultra hot vampire chick, ultra nerdly hero, ultra strong jail cell, ultra jammed garbage disposals, ultra jammed toilets, paraplegic vampire hunter, multiple dead bunny rabbits, multiple dead headless bodies, and for the totally unexpected undead poetry recital.

The Abandoned

The Abandoned (2007): This movie combines the unusual elements of a Russian ghost story, directed by a Spaniard, filmed in Bulgaria, starring an English actress playing an American ex Russian. However, this is a pretty good ghost story with a lot of circular logic as well as a lot of traveling in circles. A forty something American woman receives notice that she has inherited the family farm in Russia. The paperwork had been lost during the great changes that occurred in Russia and she is just now being notified about her bounty. She was adopted and knows little about her past so off she goes to find out about her origins. Once in Russia things go downhill fast. The farm is in a very rural part of the country on an island in a river. Her driver appears to abandon her at the old farmhouse but she soon meets a man who claims to be her brother. Strange things begin to happen that can’t happen and they bump into zombie like things that look very much like themselves and who chase after them a lot. Fortunately, these doubles stumble along pretty slowly. Saying much more would give too much of the plot away. Suffice it to say that while not completely logical, it does combine most of the elements of a good ghost story. The movie is rated R for: double doppelgangers, multiple murders, pigs eating relatives, half a bridge over troubled waters, multiple drowning, and for the poor guy that shoots his doppelganger in the knee only to find out he also shot himself in the knee.

Sublime

Sublime (2007): It happened again, expecting a below average half hearted hackneyed hospital horror opus, I found I had stumbled into a rather good movie for the thinking adult. In fact, it is not really a horror movie at all but one about fear in its many forms as well as about the pain of dying and not just for the deceased. This multileveled flick has excellent acting, a complimentary score, and excellent photography. On the surface it is about what happens to a 40 year old when he enters a hospital for a simple colonoscopy. But it is really about much more that that and in spite of the horror that soon follows; the movie never loses focus on its story, the truth of which is not totally revealed until the very emotionally wrenching ending. While a bit slow moving for the younger set, the movie stays true to its internal logic and it doesn’t pull its punches either, always a plus for the Tapehead. The movie is unrated but would probably stitch up an R for; extreme extremity excision, finger filing and cutting, toe splitting, massive IV drips, massive flashbacks, angry attendants with red bow ties, tattooed nurses, and for the massive fear of hospitals this movie will induce in anyone who watches.