Diamond Men

Diamond Men: (2001) This is a small movie, that is, there are no car chases, no fights, no artificial tension builders or expensive explosions. It’s just a plain old good movie built around interesting characters, a slowly building plotline, and an ending that may surprise you. The cast is excellent across the board with Robert Forster, Donnie Wahlberg, Bess Armstrong, and Jasmine Guy (ex Cosby show) in the lead roles. The story has been done before; retiring salesman breaks in the young replacement, they start out not liking each other and eventually they learn to become buddies. But this is done well and the buddy relationship isn’t quite like the traditional B-movie relationships. The two have many adventures selling diamonds, meeting easy women, and an occasional crook or two. It takes place entirely in Pennsylvania with much of it apparently shot on location. The best line went to Robert Forster admonishing Wahlberg’s character for hitting on a counter girl at a jewelry store, “You were drooling on the owner’s daughter!” A quiet, character driven film, this is an excellent rent. The DVD has only 3 deleted scenes as extras and a director’s commentary track. The movie is rated R for: several cuss words, brief orbulation, an eye catching tattoo, brief violence, lack of tweezers skills, young hookers, old jewelers, and for the Altoona Riding Club.

The Transporter

The Transporter (2002): Well, everyone needs to watch a UK-Fu/Multi-Cultural/French chase movie once in a while and this epic must do for now. We have Jason Statham, as a retired UK Special Forces commando living in France who gets mixed up with Asian crooks and ingénues while speeding and UK-Fu-ing (British Kung-Fu) his way across France.
It seems he is one terrific BMW driver and enhances his pension with a little marginally legal cartage using his beemer. He has rules and finally breaks one, which causes the basic plot of the movie to unfold. To really appreciate this movie requires one to disconnect one’s higher brain functions or the plot holes may start to build into a roaring migraine. However, if one sits back, lets the old eyes glaze over and just enjoys the stunts and the Fu, one can have a pleasant afternoon.

His cartage business must have been a roaring success because he lives in a rather pricey pad right on the water and it ain’t the ‘Redneck Riviera’ either. In spite of all this couch potato living in the BMW, he also is an expert Kung Fu-ifier, a crack shot, strong as several bulls, and mild mannered to boot (well, not too mild mannered). He does have a bit of a problem with complex grammar but who’s going to argue with him on that? There are several well choreographed dance sequences…er excuse me….fight scenes, lots of fast and slow driving, RPG’s, and wire guided missiles so things do pop along. This is not too bad for its genre. The movie is rated PG-13 for: multiple house destruction, fratricide, ineffectual guided missiles, oil wrestling, bus abuse, truck abuse, BMW abuse, flying feet, and for excessive lying by the ingénue.

Tremors 4 - The Legend Begins

Tremors 4 – The Legend Begins (2003) The Tremors series goes back to 1989 and has successfully made the transition to a TV series, reversing current trends in the other direction. For this round, the subterranean spelunking serpentine carnivores come full circle showing how they originated. The movie also shows the origin of the town of Perfection, NV and the origin of the Gummer clan of survivalists. It is rare for a flick to have to follow ‘rules’ of behavior to tie into the original movie without being boring and blah but T-4 pulls it off rather well. In this one, the mine is attacked by ‘things in the ground’ and the owner (the great grandfather of the original overkill man, Bert Gummer) comes out from Philadelphia to investigate and to get the mine running again. He is a first class tenderfoot but by the end of the flick has taken a rather unhealthy interest in armaments, foretelling the story of generations of Gummers to come, neatly tying into the original Tremors. The story is pretty standard but is typical of a Tremors movie. The effects are well done and the creatures still explode with gusto and goop galore. We have a full multicultural cast to keep everyone politically correct and all the cast enthusiastically take to their roles. This is not a great movie but if you liked the ‘zeitgeist’ of the earlier Tremors movies, you will like this one. The movie is rated PG-13 for: missing miners, missing head, missing the stagecoach, lack of well marked evacuation routes, excessive use of steamrollers, effective hammock defense, ineffective gunslinger, gun eating and for the largest rifle I’ve ever seen.

Seed of Chucky

Seed of Chucky (2004) This series now spans over 15 years since the first ‘Chucky’ movie was made. In that time Chucky has made a successful transformation from a straight horror star to a horror comedy leading man (er…ah…doll). Most sequels get worse and worse but if anything; ‘Seed’ sows new ground and comes up a bumper cropper. Jennifer Tilly starred in ‘Bride of Chucky’ and gleefully continues, this time playing a parody of herself as an ambitious declining movie star. She continually complains about Julia Roberts stealing her roles by sleeping with producers and finally decides to try this career advancing strategy. This time Chuck and Tif (his doll-mate) want to have a real child and since Jennifer Tilly plays the voice of Tif and looks somewhat like her, they choose her to be the mom. Needless to say, this throws a monkey wrench (or perhaps I should say a sharp implement) into her plans for career advancement. Meanwhile their doll son from an earlier all doll grappling shows up without the same serial killer style as his parents and tries to reform them. The movie is filled with inside jokes and hilarious situations but isn’t short in the blood spray department either. There are several scenes paying homage to Hitchcock and the DVD comes packed with extras. This is a very funny horror movie with some very sharp points to it. The DVD was unrated but should come in as an R for: massive arterial sprays, topless puppets, topless ‘Psycho’-like shower scene, really topless people-- that is, headless people, urinating dolls, swearing dolls, garroting dolls, dolls doing something that can make you sleepy, and for the untimely death of the token rap star.